Disclaimer: Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is intentional, and all statistics are absolute fact. However readers understanding of satire is assumed.
In breaking news today the National Government has responded enthusiastically to the Dr. Barbara Disley authored 18 month monitoring report on the ACC’s Sensitive Claims treatment pathway calling it “a triumph of policy over reason.”
New details revealed by the report show that in 2008, claims accepted and therefore the level of PTSD as a result of sexual abuse and assault was diagnosed by the ACC’s assessors was at a whooping 60%.
However since the National led Goverment’s change of direction at the ACC the percentage of claims accepted dropped dramatically to 40% in 2009; 13% in 2010; 3.5% in 2011 and thus far in 2012 just 3.6%.
“In my view, this shows that the ACC’s tougher stance is not just working but curing a very difficult to treat problem in our community” Prime Minister John Key stated. “I think that the removal of support and counselling is actually the curative factor here and that as a result the level of suffering caused by rape and sexual abuse has simply disappeared.”
These results are so encouraging that documents obtained under the Official Information Act show that the National Cabinet plan to implement the same approach to unemployment, addictions, mental health problems, child abuse, domestic violence, sexism and racism.
Paula Rebstock, chair of the Welfare Working Group and acting chair of the ACC responded: “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”